CHILDhood

I've been thinking lately of the kind of parent I want to be. As Abby gets older, my ideas of parenting are changing. Gone are the days of babyhood, where I believe strongly in the snuggling, the being nearby, the tending to every need, the responding to every cry. Here are the days of beginning to let go, of helping her gain independence and of starting to trust this girl of mine to take her own little steps in the world.


I read a book a few months ago that fit in very well with what I have in mind of my kids. It was called Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. (I highly suggest all parents read this one! One of my favorite lines in the book was to do with how we all want our eggs/meats to come from free range animals who've got to roam and have been given space but we are denying our kids that very thing. haha! ) In the weeks and months before I read this book, I was beginning to give Abby some new freedoms. Small things. For example, we were at the grocery store, I was in line and forgot to get bread. It's a grocery store we visit weekly, the bakery department was about 4 lanes away and around the corner. I asked Abby to go get a loaf of our usual bread. I asked her, her eyes grew wide and she said "Really? OK!" The moment I saw her walking back to me with the loaf of bread in her arms, I knew I made the right decision in letting her stray just a little further than I normally would have. She was BEAMING! She looked so proud. She handed me to the loaf with a little "There you go!" which really meant "I did it!"

Since then I've continued to do little things like that and I have seen her grow leaps and bounds. The things I'm allowing her to do are things that are safe, of course, but they are helping Abby learn to be independent, learn to trust herself and know that I trust her too.

I don't intend to just throw her out there though. I want her to have the skills to be able to deal with little things that might come up. I've signed her up for two classes, one of which she's taken already, through KidProof. She took Never Be Lost last weekend and is taking SafeKids next weekend. She already put to use what she learned in Never Be Lost when she strayed a little far from me at the mall this weekend. :) I could see her but she couldn't see me and started down the list of things to do in the situation. When I called her name, she ran over to me and said "I remembered Never Be Lost! I didn't move, I looked around for you and then I took a second to hear if I could hear you calling my name. And I did!" I will teach her to not go off with strangers (but I won't teach her not to talk to them), I will teach her what to do if she's lost but I won't make her hold my hand until she's twelve while we shop.

Since reading the Free Range Kids book, I've tossed (most of ) my worries out the window. There are real dangers out there, real things to be afraid of and then there are things that aren't. For example, I was surprised to learn that child abductions are the lowest they've been now since the 1970s and the chances of your kid being abducted are close to nil. Remember when as kids you just had to come home when the street lights came on? Who would be willing to let their child do that same thing today, even though statistically, we live in safer times now? The book illustrates areas to use precaution ... like using a car seat, not letting your kids play in the middle of a highway ;) but not letting them play in the backyard unattended because they might get abducted is another thing.

I suppose my parenting theory has two parts: 1) to let my children be children. Free to run and explore. To let them climb the to the top of the playstructure without dragging them down claiming it to be "too dangerous". A skinned knee will only teach them to be hold on a little tighter next time. This also includes giving them time to run and play, which means limiting extraciriculars. What 2 year old needs music lessons, really? And is paying more for ballet lessons than I'm willing to pay for my own belly dance classes really necessary? The overscheduling, the pressures to do well at everything, the competitive parenting and this idea that our kids need to be one step ahead of the others is zapping the joy out of childhood. And 2) to do my job as a parent which, in my opinion, is to raise children who are independent and ready to live in the real world when the time comes. That's our ultimate goal, right? To have the little ones leave the nest and be able to make a life for themselves. To know how to cook their own meals, do their own shopping, work hard, show respect, trust themselves, love. Letting them do little things now instills that confidence they need to try the bigger things later.

I'm excited about this somewhat new direction to parenting we have decided to take! (For the record, Jordan is having a much harder time with this than I am. I've seen his eyes widen at some of the things I've okayed for Abby to do.) Josie's a bit little to be reaping many of the benefits of it yet but Abby is glowing. A few weeks ago I put all the ingredients on the counter and asked her to make a batch of cookies because I just didn't have time. She did it, loved it and was proud to offer her baking to anyone who came by. Sure, the texture was a bit funny because the ingredients weren't added in the right order but she didn't notice. She ate them with a smile spread ear to ear and with the new knowledge that she was completely capable of trying something new and succeeding at it.

The more she tries new things, the more she wants to do. Since we got Oliver, she has really stepped up to the plate. I will hear her in the back porch zipping up her jacket and hollering "I'm taking Oliver outside for a bit!" The more we treat her like a big girl, the more she acts like one.

Not only that, but it's so much easier for me not to hover. What an energy waster that is! Both girls are enjoying the space I've been giving them and because of that, all of us are enjoying the time we do get together more.

This week on CBC they aired a documentary called Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids. It's 45 minutes long but totally worth watching. You can watch it HERE. If you'd prefer to read a quick article, click HERE instead. I highly recommend it!

Oliver

We got a puppy!

We heard the horror stories about the housebreaking and the crying throughout the night and decided to go ahead with it anyway.

So far, we are so glad we did. He's a sweet little 8 week old Goldendoodle.

And lucky us, he's sleeping great, hardly whining at all and is doing his business outside about 90% of the time.

Plus he's cute. Like really really cute. And I've yet to find a dog hair on any of us or any of our things. He's supposed to be hypoallergenic and low to no shed but I was doubtful. It seems to be true!

The girls adore him and chase after him all day. There's been talk of trying to do his hair in ponytails and trying some of their t-shirts on him but it's yet to happen.

Jordan is head over heels. He follows him around and snuggles him possibly even more than the girls do. Oliver returns his love ten fold. If he can't get to Jordan, he finds comfort in his slipper or at his feet.

The girls knew we were getting a puppy but we told them it was coming sometime on the weekend when we really knew he was coming right after they went to bed that night.
His first night he had a disgusting poop in his kennel so first thing in the morning Jordan was bathing him. Josie woke up while Oliver was soaked in the sink. I said to her "What is Daddy washing in there?" She looked at him but his head was down and didn't have a clue. Oliver lifted his head and her eyes got wide and her smile big and she said "Hey! It's kind of like a dog!" More like a drowned rat, really.

Abby woke up an hour later and Oliver followed me to her room. She said good morning to me and then looked down at my feet. Like Josie, her eyes grew large, her smile overtook her face and she started giggling and giggling. Love at first sight.

Here's hoping the smooth sailing continues!

Home

Jordan and I started house hunting in November of 2006. We had an idea of the area of town that we wanted to look in, knew we wanted three bedrooms but other than that, we were going in blind. We looked at a few houses, not many, since the market is slow that time of year.

We walked into this house, me a few steps ahead of Jordan. I was in the porch and he was still on the front steps. I turned around and smiled at him. I just knew. He walked in behind me and, he too still in the porch, returned my smile. We decided to sleep on it. We called our realtor the next morning and told her we wanted to put in an offer on the house. She said they had just cancelled the listing. She called, they reconsidered, we bought it and moved in six weeks later. Our first home.

Now looking back, I'm not sure what it was about this house that we really liked. We've pretty much torn the whole thing down. We've painted literally every square inch of this house, including the ceiling, we've torn out flooring, we've taken down banisters, we've knocked down walls and built new ones. We changed some stuff in the yard, tore that lattice stuff off the front of the house, replaced light fixtures and all the appliances. We curse that somewhat alarming slope we are developing in the basement.

And in these past three years since we moved in, we've talked about moving. We've looked at nice big two story houses backing green spaces in a nice area, we've looked at beautiful turn of the century houses in the artsy area of town, we've talked to builders and checked out lots for sale. And still here we are. I think we want to stay, even though we pretend we don't. In the world of moving up, going for the bigger and better, maybe we are feeling it's what we are supposed to do. But maybe this is just our home and maybe it's just going to stay that way. Why else would we leave these other beautiful houses with our realtor and have comments like "Did you see that mailbox? eek. I could never live in that house!" ;)

Our maybe it's because we (read: Jordan) has put so much sweat and love into making this house something that we love. Our street is a little busy, our house a little small but it's cozy and homey and just right.

The only room that still needed renovations was our main bathroom. I love taking baths but with our shallow uncomfortable soap stained standard tub, our old tub surround held up by molding drywall and our 80's vanity with it's crooked cabinets, I hardly got around to it.
Jordan took last week off of work and pretty much gutted the main bathroom and turned it into a beautiful space! I can't wait to take my first bath in there ... which I intend to do as soon as I hit "Publish Post".

I can't find the "before" pictures of our bathroom from when we first moved in. We painted it right away and Jordan replaced the lino with tile about a year ago. The rest he worked his little buns off and got done this past week.

Before/Demolition:

After!!

It's lovely! and relaxing! and everything I dreamed of! I'm so appreciative of his hard work. I'm going to go enjoy it right now.

My first bath in our new tub.

No.

My first bath in our new tub in our home.

Cancun!

So, it turns out that I'm never going to find the time to resize all those pictures and post them here on my blog.

Trust that we had a wonderful time, enjoyed travelling with our friends and that we really liked the break from the girls! Our weather was split between hot and sunny and cloudy and windy but we made the most out of everyday. We played in the waves, shopped, boogie boarded, rented seadoos, went snorkeling at Xel-Ha (which was probably my favorite day!), went to shows, drank lots of mojitos, pina coladas & daquiris (well, I did. Jordan drank beer. And more beer.) It was so fun to go with friends, which we've never done before but would definitely do again. It was so nice to see the sun, feel the heat and dig our toes into the white sand.

Turns out that I'm not a fan of authentic Mexican food and neither is my body. I lived for a week off of french toast, bread with butter, fruit and the occasional omelette. Other than that, I have no complaints about the trip at all.

The girls did well. Abby understood that we were gone, where we were and that we were coming back. By the end of the week she was exhausted and ready for us to come home but enjoyed her time with her Grandmas, Papa & Athena. Josie thought I was gone for groceries and missed us like crazy. She held on to me pretty tight for most of Monday. I think the break was good for all 4 of us!

To see pictures, click HERE.

Coming Soon

I'm working on switching gears and getting back into the groove of things.

It's not that easy going from spending my days like this, relaxing on the beach:

or having side by side massages on the beach with a wonderful friend:

to spending my days wiping bums, folding laundry and checking backpacks.

I'll be back soon with a highlight reel of our trip!

Merry Christmas!

This past week has been just crazy for us. Abby was "La Capitaine" at school which has it's shares of responsibilities, we had Christmas concerts, Christmas parties, Abby's birthday, her party with all the girls from her class, Abby and I went to a production of Peter Pan at the Globe Theater, we had our first of three Christmas gatherings, I had a doula meeting. Add that to the regular day to day things, the shopping, the baking (oh the baking! 26 cupcakes for her class + cupcakes for some family and friends that joined us on her birthday after dinner + cupcakes for her party the following day = A LOT OF CUPCAKES!!) and so on and well, we've been running our tails off.

Yesterday the girls were coloring at the kitchen table. It was going on an hour that they had been busy adding colors to Santa's sleigh and reindeer. I was sitting on the couch where I could see them, the fireplace was throwing off major heat, I was cuddled in a blanket, Christmas music was playing, the Christmas tree twinkling. And for the first time this season I thought "Oh yeah. This is Christmas. This is the enjoyable part." It's just remembering to sloooow down and enjoy it all. Something I intend to work a little harder on next year.

We actually have a very quiet Christmas planned. Something we've been wanting to try for years but haven't because of so many family get togethers. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. We plan to have appetizer type food for dinner with the girls, get their pjs on, make some hot chocolate and load in to the van for a trip to see the Christmas lights around the city. Christmas Day we'll wake up, just the four of us, open presents and have a simple brunch. The rest of the day will be relaxing, playing with new toys and hopefully trying out the new skating rink Jordan & I built in the backyard. We'll then join Jordan's family for dinner and head out on Boxing Day to see my family in Delisle.

We are looking forward to it so much.

Here's wishing you and your family a peaceful, joyful Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Five Alive

It sure doesn't take long for this:

To turn into this:


and then this:

It doesn't take long for them to learn to walk. Or talk. It's not long before they don't need to you to nurse them or rock them to sleep. It's not long before they can go down the slide by themselves, toddle off to preschool and then board the bus to kindergarten.

The days, they pass too quickly.

Abby is a special girl. A kind hearted girl. A sensitive soul. A dramatic girl who screams things like "You are ruining my life!" when I won't let her use my gingersnap dough as play dough.

She likes princesses, boys, lip gloss, dresses. She makes friends easily. She's clever as can be. She's (mostly) the best big sister ever.

She's a pretty great kid.

I'm so proud she's mine.

And now she's five.

Happy 5th Birthday Abby!